I know Christmas was over, no, wait, Christmas has twelve days.
Anyway, here are Letterman’s Top Ten Things You Don’t Want To Hear From A Guy Dressed As Santa
10. “All I want for Christmas is a handful of Vicodin”
9. “Maybe this Christmas, someone will give you a shirt that’s not that ugly”
8. “What do you want for Christmas…Ah, I really don’t care”
7. “Feel my beard — It’s 100% squirrel”
6. “My rabbi said I’m going to hell for wearing this”
5. “Ho…Ho…Ho” (points to 3 old women)
4. “I may not be the real Santa, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t seen you while you’re sleeping”
3. “Enjoy the last Christmas before we get nuked by the North Koreans”
2. “Hey handsome, meet me under the mistletoe in 10 minutes”
1. “For a hundred bucks, I’ll let you unwrap me”
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