Yowazzup: A Directory of Happening Things

Good evening, folks!

• Uma Thurman sues Lancome for $15 million over use of her image in ads.
• DMX goes to jail. Nick, son of Hulk Hogan, goes to jail as well.
• Behold, people! Check out Lindsay Lohan and her new line of leggings.

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Eddie Murphy and Lindsay Lohan dominated the 2007 Golden Raspberry Awards on Saturday. Eddie Murphy won three categories —Worst Actor, Worst Supporting Actress and Worst Supporting Actor, all in “Norbit”. While Lindsay Lohan won two worst actress awards for playing twins in “I Know Who Killed Me,” a film that was named worst of the year. She also won Worst Screen Couple by appearing opposite herself in the film, “I Know Who Killed Me”.

Lindsay Lohan in "I Know Who Killed Me" and Eddie Murphy in "Norbit"

Not surprisingly, “I Know Who Killed Me” also won Worst Remake or Rip-off, Worst Director, Worst Screenplay and Worst Excuse for a Horror Movie.

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Good day to you!

• Aaron Carter is arrested for marijuana possession while his brother, Nick Carter found out about the news while he was in Australia as part of the Unbreakable Tour.
• Meanwhile, Lindsay Lohan is very happy with nude photos, although Edison Chen feels sorry about his nude pictures.
• Jennifer Lopez gives birth to twins. Jennifer Lopez’s first babies, Marc Anthony’s third and fourth.

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Good day!

• It’s Official, HD DVD is dead, so is Lydia Shum, the popular Hong Kong actress.
• Meanwhile, Lindsay Lohan is thrilled to strip for Marilyn Monroe photo shoot.
• "Jumper" jumps to No. 1 in American box office.

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Let’s have a look at Mad Magazine’s 20 Dumbest People, Events & Things in 2007: -

Number 20

Sanjaya, the “American Idol” contestant who “made William Hung sound like Josh Groban.”

Number 19

Tainted pet food.

Number 18

Toe-tapping Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, whose “wide stance” explanation following his arrest for lewd conduct in an airport men’s room instantly entered the comedy pantheon for “All-Time Lamest Excuse.”

Number 17

Alberto Gonzales “The Nation’s Chief Flawed Officer” — and before the American Bar Association named the disgraced attorney general “Lawyer of the Year,” no less.

Number 16

Lindsay Lohan. You’ve got to hand it to her for managing to cram an entire career’s worth of mistakes into just a few scant years.”

Number 15

“If I Did It,” by O.J. Simpson.

Number 14

The Creation Museum in Petersburg, Ky.

Number 13

“The Sopranos” for its “ungrand un-finale.”

Number 12

Convicted Scooter Libby, “A Man For All Treasons.”

Number 11

Keith Richards, for reportedly snorting his dad’s ashes with coke.

Number 10

“Isaiah Washington Bashes Homosexuals.” Another celeb whose bigoted words cost him his job, surpassing “frigid, right-wing hatemonger Ann Coulter” and NBA’s Tim Hardaway “for sheer stupidity and intolerance.”

Number 9

“The Giant Toy Recall — A China Pattern,” features such surefire stocking-stuffers as “Poison Me Elmo,” “Thomas the Tainted Engine” and the “Easy Burn Oven.”

Number 8

“The Crazy Diapered Astronaut,”Lisa Marie Nowak, or “Houston, We Have a Mental Problem” — tastefully illustrated with a box of Unrequited Luvs” diapers.

Number 7

Paris Hilton, “The Ultimate Dumb Blonde Joke.” “Amazingly, her jail sentence wasn’t punishment for her career (even though her CD arguably warranted the death penalty).”

Number 6

The Anna Nicole Smith Paternity Trial. You remember, that revolting, distasteful spectacle everyone hated, that occupied countless hours of broadcast news time. “There was a dead blonde, so odds were good O.J. had some involvement.”

Number 5

The Walter Reed Army Hospital Scandal took No. 5, illustrated with a “G.I. Woe — Forgotten Warrior” action figure, sporting an amputated leg.

Number 4

No. 4 was a gift that keeps on giving: Britney Spears. Noting that 2007 was “a real show-stopper” even by her standards, Mad quips, “Leave it to Britney to lose her babies before losing her baby weight.”

Number 3

Radio host Don Imus was No. 3 for the “nappy-headed hos” remark that “cost the wrinkled old geezer his job.”

Number 2

George W. Bush took second place by breaking the presidential record for time off — with a year left in his term. “If FDR took off that much time … you’d be reading this introduction in German while munching on strudel.”

Number 1

Fighting his way to the No. 1 spot is Michael Vick, whom Mad’s “usual gang of idiots” calls “the most hated man in America.” The Falcons quarterback was sentenced to 23 months for running a dogfighting kennel where he drowned and electrocuted losing dogs. “Too bad the NFL doesn’t have a similar policy for losing quarterbacks,” Mad opines.

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A very good evening to you.

• Beckham scores his first goal for Galaxy. Hurray! That goal costs Galaxy $32.5 million! Unless he scores another 31 goals, which would make it $1 million per goal. LoL!
• Foxy Brown got arrested for assault while Linday Lohan is sued and Britney Spears is being called a lesbian. Awesome. So scandalous!

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Hey there. Sometimes money can buy you things like Paris Hilton. Sometimes money can’t buy you things you wanted.

• Ivanka Trump’s new implants don’t look so hot. Money can’t buy everything.
• Lindsay Lohan’s grandma says actress needs love. I bet my grandma would say that too, if she’s still alive.
• Kurt Cobain becomes Forbes’ top dead celebrity earner. He beats Elvis for the first time.

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