Britney Spears | Yowazzup: A Directory of Happening Things

Toe-tapping Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, whose “wide stance” explanation following his arrest for lewd conduct in an airport men’s room instantly entered the comedy pantheon for “All-Time Lamest Excuse.”

Number 17

Alberto Gonzales “The Nation’s Chief Flawed Officer” — and before the American Bar Association named the disgraced attorney general “Lawyer of the Year,” no less.

Number 16

Lindsay Lohan. You’ve got to hand it to her for managing to cram an entire career’s worth of mistakes into just a few scant years.”

Number 15

“If I Did It,” by O.J. Simpson.

Number 14

The Creation Museum in Petersburg, Ky.

Number 13

“The Sopranos” for its “ungrand un-finale.”

Number 12

Convicted Scooter Libby, “A Man For All Treasons.”

Number 11

Keith Richards, for reportedly snorting his dad’s ashes with coke.

Number 10

“Isaiah Washington Bashes Homosexuals.” Another celeb whose bigoted words cost him his job, surpassing “frigid, right-wing hatemonger Ann Coulter” and NBA’s Tim Hardaway “for sheer stupidity and intolerance.”

Number 9

“The Giant Toy Recall — A China Pattern,” features such surefire stocking-stuffers as “Poison Me Elmo,” “Thomas the Tainted Engine” and the “Easy Burn Oven.”

Number 8

“The Crazy Diapered Astronaut,”Lisa Marie Nowak, or “Houston, We Have a Mental Problem” — tastefully illustrated with a box of Unrequited Luvs” diapers.

Number 7

Paris Hilton, “The Ultimate Dumb Blonde Joke.” “Amazingly, her jail sentence wasn’t punishment for her career (even though her CD arguably warranted the death penalty).”

Number 6

The Anna Nicole Smith Paternity Trial. You remember, that revolting, distasteful spectacle everyone hated, that occupied countless hours of broadcast news time. “There was a dead blonde, so odds were good O.J. had some involvement.”

Number 5

The Walter Reed Army Hospital Scandal took No. 5, illustrated with a “G.I. Woe — Forgotten Warrior” action figure, sporting an amputated leg.

Number 4

No. 4 was a gift that keeps on giving: Britney Spears. Noting that 2007 was “a real show-stopper” even by her standards, Mad quips, “Leave it to Britney to lose her babies before losing her baby weight.”

Number 3

Radio host Don Imus was No. 3 for the “nappy-headed hos” remark that “cost the wrinkled old geezer his job.”

Number 2

George W. Bush took second place by breaking the presidential record for time off — with a year left in his term. “If FDR took off that much time … you’d be reading this introduction in German while munching on strudel.”

Number 1

Fighting his way to the No. 1 spot is Michael Vick, whom Mad’s “usual gang of idiots” calls “the most hated man in America.” The Falcons quarterback was sentenced to 23 months for running a dogfighting kennel where he drowned and electrocuted losing dogs. “Too bad the NFL doesn’t have a similar policy for losing quarterbacks,” Mad opines.

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