Once, someone asked in Yahoo! Answers,

“If you paid someone to kill yourself would that be called murder or suicide?”

My answer was chosen as the best answer. Sometimes, when I read back, I thought it was pretty humorous, so I’m sharing it here. Here is my answer:

actually it depends on these scenarios:

1. if the someone I paid managed to kill me and then feel too depressed and killed himself, then the cops will call it ‘group suicide’.
2. if the someone I paid managed to kill me and then someone saw that and he killed that someone and another person saw that and he killed that person too before killing himself, then the cops will call it ‘heavens gate’ cult suicide.
3. if the someone I paid managed to kill me and managed to erase all the evidence and put up a show that I actually killed myself even though I didn’t have the guts to do it, then it will be called ’suicide’.
4. if the someone I paid managed to kill me and managed to erase all the evidence and put up a show that I actually killed myself even though I didn’t have the guts to do it, then it will be called ’suicide’. but, later on the killer went to the police station and confessed, then it will be called ‘homicide’.
5. if the someone I paid managed to kill me but didn’t manage to erase all the evidence that lead the police to him, and he didn’t have enough evidence that I actually paid him to kill me, then it’s called ‘homicide’.
6. if the someone I paid managed to kill me and managed to run away and then, he starts killing more and more people, but the cops could not find out who, then it’s called ‘mysterious murder spree’.
7. if the someone I paid managed to kill me but beforehand, I already have a terminal disease and the killing method is by lethal injection, then it’s called ‘assisted suicide’ or ‘euthanasia’.
8. if the someone I paid didn’t manage to kill me but injured me, and the cops caught him red-handed, then it’s called ‘attempted murder’.
9. if the someone I paid didn’t manage to kill me but injured me, and then he run away, I will report it to the police and call it ‘attempted murder’ and claim my insurance for a ‘major injury’.
10. if the someone I paid didn’t manage to kill me but accidentally killed himself, then it’s called ‘accident’ or the court would categorize it as ‘homicide by misadventure’. I would call it ’stupidity’.

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